Posts Tagged ‘VHS’

I saw this back in the day on VHS.  It had that crazy box that had a button on it that when pushed would blare out “WANNA DATE?” in Patty Mullen / Frankenhooker’s voice.  At the time I thought the movie was fairly amusing, but pretty slight.  I was kind of dreading watching it again, as I just knew that, since I wasn’t particularly impressed with it the first time around, I would probably hate it this go-round.  Surprisingly (to me, at least), I enjoyed it quite a bit more than I expected to.  I actually laughed out loud a few times, especially at Patty Mullen’s bizarro facial quirks and at several of James Lorinz’s off-the-cuff remarks.  Is it stupid?  You betcha–but it’s pretty short and has several attractive women, a couple of better-than-they-deserve-to-be performances, and exploding crack whores. It was co-written by Fangoria magazine’s first editor, Bob Martin.

If you don’t mind watching it with Portuguese subtitles, the whole thing’s on YouTube:



VHS Cover

Awful “horror” film directed by Don Edmonds, purveyor of those fine family film classics Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS and Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks.  It looks from the film’s credits that Don was a hired gun on this one and can’t truly be held entirely responsible for its complete and utter godawfulness, however.  The plot, such as it is, concerns the rock band The Clowns and the spate of murders that occurs in and around the venue at which they’re playing a week-long gig.  The Clowns are sort of a low, low, LOW-rent version of Kiss (make-up and costumes) crossed with an even lower-rent version of Alice Cooper (on-stage murder antics).  All four members of the band dress in the same costume: black spandex, a red-lined half cape, a mask that covers roughly the top-left sides of their faces, and overdone black and white makeup that pretty much makes it impossible to tell one from the other.  They have a roadie that likes to dress up just like them, so that after the shows he can tell women that he’s a member of the band and maybe get lucky.  Here’s a frame grab to illustrate:


I first saw this film when I bought a used VHS tape of it while I lived in Japan.  At the time, I thought that it was a passable way to spend an hour-and-a-half.  After watching Terror on Tour again, I now realize that I must have really been hurting to watch something from the U.S. at the time, because to call this film bad is to really overestimate it.  If you can’t figure out who the killer is within the first fifteen minutes, you need to watch more slasher movies.

For all its flaws, Terror on Tour does have some interesting personnel involved with it besides the aforementioned Don Edmonds.  There’s an actress with the inane name of Kalassu who plays “Mod Girl” in the film.  She also had the starring role in a shot-on-video-but-released-to-a-handful-of-theaters movie Boardinghouse, which seems to be wildly popular on the Internet for its myriad shortcomings.  One of the executive producers was a guy named Alex Rebar, who played the titular role in The Incredible Melting Man.  But topping these is Larry Thomasof, who plays the Clowns’ manager.  You know him better as Larry Thomas, the actor who played The Soup Nazi on Seinfeld.

As Terror on Tour has still not been officially released on DVD, I watched it on good ol’ VHS.  I’ll admit that there’s a nostalgia factor at work any time I watch a VHS tape; anything I watch on VHS is automatically a little better just because I’m watching it on VHS.  So, in regards to the above comments, please realize that I’ve probably made the movie sound more interesting than it actually is.  And THAT, my friends, should be ample reason to avoid it.

If you’d like to watch the entire movie, it’s up on YouTube in a single file.  I really don’t recommend watching it, but if you must, I understand.  I think that the trailer, also courtesy of YouTube, is more than enough of a bad thing: